OK. I know this is about my hundredth post today.

But I just have to share- I am continually having the most awkward run-ins with our managing director (basically the acting head of the library). He is awesome and I am awkward, that is why our encounters are awkward.

One time I was working on the reference desk and he was down there just chatting with people, and I think trying to get an idea of what the reference desk is like and he was just sitting with each person there and asking them what they do and how they do it and blah blah blah. And I was running back and forth like a chicken with my head cut off because there were a million people with crazy problems that day. And he kept trying to catch me so he could sit and chat with me, but I was trying to help one person for seriously 30 minutes straight. I can't remember what their deal was. Anyways, I ended the shift feeling like I had completely brushed him off...which I didn't. At least I didn't mean to. I hope he didn't feel that way, or they'll never hire me here if a real job does open up.

Anyways, today we were coming back from lunch at the same-ish time, and I was walking towards the building in front of him, and I guess he was trying to catch up with me so he could open the door for me, because he's polite like that. But when there's someone walking quickly behind me, that makes me speed up. Because I'm crazy. Anyways, I got to the door and opened it and we exchanged hellos and as I was opening the inner door, he chastised me for opening my own door! In a nice and joking way, but...dear self, don't be so dense and awkward in the future.

Hopefully our next encounter will be awesome and he'll be all "OMG you're so amazing! Wait, you're just an intern?! We need you here full-time forever!"

A girl can always dream, right?

I just remembered something that made me laugh. A couple of weeks ago, someone gave a talk in church about parables (well actually, everyone that day spoke about parables, it was pretty intense).

Anyways, I guess he wanted to define and exmplify the uses of parables by sharing his favorite one. His favorite parable just happens to be Les Miserables. The musical, not the book (because who reads books these days?!).

Can you guess where this is going? He spent his entire talk telling all the ins and outs of the plot of Les Mis. It took FOREVER. And...he even ended up quoting most of Javert and Jean Valjean's vocal duet/fight ("I am warning you JAVERT! I'm a stronger man BY FAR!") where they sing overlapping parts you know?

So obviously, there are some pretty strong moral lessons that can be drawn from Les Mis. But those lessons could be conveyed by a short summary. I don't need you to quote the whole libretto at me- also? It just makes you look like you didn't prepare a talk and so decided to fill time by telling a really long story. I could be learning something valuable and edifying during all that time!

But maybe it's just me...maybe I WOULD be learning something if I weren't so hard-hearted! (*snert*)

(and none of this really tops the ward attended by a friend of mine where every month, people have been heard to quote Miley Cyrus, Dave Matthews, Kenny Chesney, and others...)

Also, I put a picture of Enjolras because...he's obviously the best Les Mis character. OBVIOUSLY.

You guys, ALL the good jobs open up when I'm not looking! I'm ticked. Today I saw the perfect job listing (archivist, working with lots of AV, in ATL at the Carter Presidential Library- I'm an archivist, I've worked with tons of AV, ATL is close to Chattanooga!) but I just can't bring myself to apply because if, on the off chance that I actually got it, I would have to leave my internship about 5 months early, and I know they would understand me leaving, but I just cant bear the thought of leaving so long before it's over! I was so excited when I got this because finally I would have some kind of experience that lasted longer than 4-6 months. I need to get a solid year on my resume.

Job application mental block ftw. ARG.

In other news:

"Crazy, Stupid, Love" was both crazy and stupid, but also confusing (not in a bad way) and entertaining. And oh honey, I never though Ryan Gosling was attractive until I saw this, but (pardon the expression), ROWR. ALSO, the character with whom I share a name is A CREEPER. I don't care if I'm giving you spoilers, but I am just so appalled because she has something unsavory going on inside her brain that drives her to give naked pictures of herself to a THRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY.

This morning I spent 30 minutes ironing and trying three different shirts before settling on one.

THAT IS TOO LONG.

I think it's time to start up the lay-out-your-clothes-the-night-before plan, because that is a crappy reason to be "late" to work (although it's hard to be late to something where my schedule is whatever I say it is...it's the principle of the thing).

Two nights ago, my body had an epic battle with itself.

As a result, I barely slept.

The next day (which was yesterday), I almost passed out in the bathroom at work (or I might have actually passed out, I'm not sure? I don't remember, and I had kind of propped myself against a corner in case I *did*, so I don't really know what happened. All I know for sure is that my body hates me). So as a result I left work early (only an hour early...lame) and went home to watch old tv on my computer. All I wanted to do was sleep, but it was so early still that I knew I would wake up in the middle of the night all chipper and ready to go. So I took one Benadryl (only one) knowing that (1) my allergies have been acting up (though that's unrelated to this incident), and (2) Benadryl does something terrible to my brain that makes it unable to function.

And then.....I slept for 13 hours straight. Go me!

In other news:

Don't laugh at me, but I kind of loved Cowboys and Aliens. It was a classic, formulaic Western...but with ALIENS. What could possibly be better? I'll tell you what, nothing else that's in theaters right now. Big theaters I mean, not independent theaters. It was fun, it had Harrison Ford, and it also had (spoiler) a giant alien ship exploding. Fantastic.

Although, this was what I saw the afternoon before my body exploded. Either it was trying to tell me something about the movie, or I'm not supposed to eat theater popcorn anymore.

You need to watch this movie.

It's hard to watch- I left with a headache from too much crying, but it's good.

I'm starting to really love Kristin Scott Thomas- she's been making some really wonderful movies (in both French and English, or in this case, a mix of the two) over the last few years.

In this, the young Starzynski family (along with tens of thousands of others) who happen to be Jewish are rounded up by the French government and deported to camps in Germany and Poland. Just one month later, another family (not Jewish) moves into the apartment vacated by the Starzynskis. We follow the Starzynski's daughter, Sarah, as she is shuttled from place to place, desperately trying to escape so she can go home and find her little brother who, when the police came to "arrest" the family, she locked in a closet so he would be safe. We also see how Sarah's story becomes tied closely to the other family who took over her apartment- the Tezacs. Is that confusing? Sorry. I don't know how to describe the story without giving away too much. A wonderful, emotionally draining movie.

A small movie- written by the main actress, Brit Marling, and the producer/editor/cinematographer Mike Cahill, while they were still in college.

It's sci-fi, but not. The kind of sci-fi where yes, there is something extraordinary going on in the background of the story, but that is not the focus. The focus is on lives and how they converge (or, as with Rhoda and her family, diverge).

On the night that a planet identical to Earth is discovered, a drunk-driving Rhoda (just graduated from high school and on her way to MIT) runs into a car carrying John and his family, killing all but John. She goes to prison. She is released four years later and goes to John's house to apologize, but he does not recognize her, so she loses her nerve and tells him she works for a cleaning service and is going door-to-door offering free trials. She becomes his regular cleaning woman. They eventually start a relationship. She still can't tell him. She wins a trip to go to "Earth II" as it's now called. Some more stuff happens.

Brit Marling is both pitiful and devastating as Rhoda. She should not be sympathetic, but she is so obsessed with making amends and yet so unable to take the necessary steps. She is paralyzed by her inability to face the devastation she caused in John's life. It was interesting. It was enjoyable.

I'm halfway through my internship now. Do you know what that means? That means it's time to gear up for another round of job applications! Yippee!

Here is my problem though. Before I got this job, I spent 5 months sending in applications. Five months!! Now I realize there are people who have been trying for much longer to get a job without success, and I'm grateful it only took me that long. And when this one did pop up, it was kind of a whirlwind- barely a month from the "let's set up an interview" phone call to my first day of work (including trying to keep up with a full course load, packing most of my belongings, and making a cross-country move).

But anyways, back to the problem. So. Last time it took forever long to finally snag a position, and I'm having a hard time judging how long it will take me this time. I want to give myself enough time applying so that I'll end up with a position starting round about the beginning of March. How early is too early to begin? How late is too late? I do have more experience now, so maybe it won't take as long?

Also, the other problem. There is almost nothing I hate more than the job-search process. No matter how tough-skinned I think I am, I still die a little bit inside every time I get an email saying "we're sorry, you weren't among our most qualified applicants". Sigh.

Dear self-

Stop spending so much time on the internet, especially social media sites. You're creeping people out. And yes, I see the irony in writing a blog post about this.

Sincerely,
Your self.

ALSO, I have this new pair of shoes that I haven't worn yet- I think a pair that my mom bought then decided she didn't want, and so instead of returnin gave them to me...she does that sometimes- anyways, I've had them for like two months and decided to wear them today with my all blue/teal/black ensemble (the shoes are bronze) thinking "metallics go with everything!!!!"

As I was walking into work I looked down and was confused for a second, thinking "why did I wear brown shoes with a black skirt?"

Bronze=brown. Wardrobe fail.

Let's talk about movies.

It's been a while.

Zookeeper doesn't merit a picture, but I saw it. Don't ask me why. I guess that's one of the consequences of being an anti-social hermit (that's kind of redundant) in a "big" city. Anyways...talking animals, Kevin James. It was pretty blah. The highlight was Rosario Dawson who I actually really like, and I'm not sure why she did this movie. She needed money I guess.



Harry Potter 7.2 was...great, of course. I've heard lots of whining about story changes, but hey, guess what, this is a movie, not a book, and it's not exactly like they're playing around with great literature- I've almost always enjoyed the movies better than the books in this series- Harry in the books was annoying enough, an that was at least slightly toned down in movie-Harry. Anyways, I don't care about the changes, and those of you who were with me at the last movie (or maybe it was the 6th one) know that my mind was completely blank as to what came next (they found all the horcruxes? what?). So ANYWAYS, this last movie was at least tied for me with the 3rd (and still the best) installment. I love Ralph Fiennes, he's vulnerable AND terrifying in his snakey self. Also, maybe I cried a bit. Don't judge.



First, before I talk about this movie, let me say that I do not recommend it. To anyone. Let's talk about why.

But first, some background. This is about a young "beauty queen" moved to Salt Lake in the late 70s. It's unclear why- she wasn't going to school, and she's not a Mormon, and to hear her tell it, all she did was hang out and party. Wholesomely, of course. So she tells this story of how one day she's driving around town in her white corvette and pulls up at a light next to a red corvette driven by what she describes as the most attractive man ever seen. In the whole world. Of course we then see a photo of Kirk, the object of her desire, as he looked at the time, and he is nothing as she described him- kind of this large geeky marshmallow of a man. They went on a few dates. Then, according to her, he just disappeared one day without a trace, and without a word to her. He had been kidnapped by those Mormons!

She moved to California to work and earn money to hire a private investigator to track him down. According to her she was waiting tables and working three jobs. We find out later she was working as an escort (though she claims she was...innocent...until she and Kirk finally consummated their love) and posing for some (and when I say some, I mean A LOT) of unsavory publications.

Anyways, long story short, she finds out through the investigator that he's in England, "forced" on a mission by those Mormons! She takes her "friend" Ken, some pilot she hired, and a hired bodyguard with her to England to track Kirk down and save him.

They find him, and here there are two distinct stories. According to Kirk, he was chloroformed, stuffed in a trunk, kidnapped, taken to a cottage in Devonshire, chained to a bed, and raped repeatedly by Joyce (the beauty queen). I should add here that the pilot she hired corroborates the chloroform story to an extent- when he saw that she had brought chains, handcuffs, and a bottle of chloroform to England with her, and when he was told that these things were all to help them rescue Kirk, the pilot luckily came to his senses, decided he didn't want to be involved, and went home to LA.

According to Joyce, he came willingly and acted as if he had been brainwashed, and she took him to the cottage to nurse him back to health with her love, which "nursing" she says was consensual. She claims that he made up the kidnapping story because he was terrified of what those Mormons would do to him if they found out he had had relations with her (because Mormons are scary like that).

So. That's the meat of the story. It is really a fascinating story, mainly because this Joyce is truly living in a different world of her own creation (she was arrested in the late 80s for stalking him- hanging around his office. She says his "fat Mormon wife" told the police it was stalking because she was jealous)- she still claims that she is completely in love with Kirk, and will be until she dies. She's never had another relationship since that time (according to her). I think she's also agoraphobic so he never leaves her house, and rarely has for years.

Most of the movie is an interview with her- these are the highlights- she cries and rages and just goes on and on about the injustice of it all. She's charming in her delusions, but watching her is also quite sad. She's had a difficult life, most of the difficulties being of her own making, but that makes her no less worthy of pity at the least, and empathy at most.

Herein lies my first problem with the movie. I'm not a filmmaker, but it seems to me that making a documentary, a serious documentary that looks closely at one person/their life/their actions requires a large bit of empathy on the part of the director. It didn't seem like this director, Errol Morris, had any at all for Joyce McKinney. Yes, she displays a lot of attention-seeking behaviors, but she is also kind of a tragic figure. If nothing else, the empty second half of her life, spent mostly alone in a farmhouse in rural North Carolina, should evoke our pity. Morris doesn't seem to have pity, let alone respect for his subject. He pulls together her interview in a way that magnifies the crazy, turning this into a comedy more than anything else.

When in reality it's a sordid story of (probably) unrequited and unreasonably long-lasting "love", kidnapping, rape and, well, that's enough, isn't it? A comment that I read about this made the point that if the genders in this story were reversed, no one would be laughing. But as it is, the idea of a woman raping a man seems laughable and impossible to most people. Guess what? It's neither. It's possible, and it's as deadly serious as any kind of sexual abuse.

Ok. On to problem two. Sorry this has gotten kind of heavy- if you've read this far, you deserve a medal. Leave a comment and I'll think about making you something awesome just for being a trooper. Anyways, my second problem. Wrapped up within the story about Joyce McKinney and her eternal love Kirk is a mini-anti-Mormon movie. The Mormon "expert" they interview is someone who is clearly antagonistic towards the church, and some of the things they talk about are just ridiculous in their untruth. The things that ARE true are treated in such a way that they seem absolutely ludicrous, which would happen if you talked about any religion's doctrine in that way. In the end, if I had known about that aspect of the movie, I would not have gone- I would rather not pay money to support something that tears down not just individuals, but entire belief systems.

So, to summarize, "Tabloid" treats a very interesting subject, but does it with so much disrespect all around that it's created in me a new desire to be more diligent in self-educating myself when selecting what I watch.

One last note about this- Joyce has been showing up at screenings of "Tabloid" all over the country to heckle and rage at the screen and generally cause a ruckus (it seems she's not too happy with the way she was depicted either). I kept expecting her to jump up near the end and yell "I'm Joyce McKinney!!!!!" as she has a few times, but I was disappointed.

Heck yeah, I MADE this, sonnn

zigzag quilt top II, a photo by maegil on Flickr.

Two more things...

I should probably just make that the title of my blog because I feel like I keep making posts titled that...

Anyways, first, there's an apricot tree in my backyard and I just noticed today that there were ripe apricots on the ground. What?! Where are mine? So I looked up at the tree to see if there were any pickable ones. To my utter disappointment, all of the beautiful, edible ones are at the very top of the tree. It's a pretty tall tree. Bummer.

Second (and last),

I found out/decided yesterday that I'm going to Hungary in two and a half weeks. WHAT?!

p.s., this is not a joke, this is real life.

Two things

Two things that made me smirk inwardly on the way to my office this morning.

First, as I was getting through the employees only door (I don't know what to call it), there was someone right behind me. I waited and held the door open for him, mumbling as I did so "here you go!" (if mumbled statements can be punctuated with exclamation points). His response? "You're welcome!!" Whatever dude, *I* held the door open for *you*.

Second, as I was getting off the elevator on my floor, there was an older man walking past the elevator alcove- he's a staff member, but I have no idea what he does or who he really is. Anyways, as he was walking past, he looked at me with the most highly raised eyebrow I've ever seen- a look that said "YOU? Again? Really. Wearing that?" And any number of other smarmy statements. It was just so unexpected I had to laugh.

ALSO. I drove to work today b/c I have errands to run during lunch, and they've been re-painting the lines in the parking garage- section by section, so they'll gate off a section for a couple of days with movable metal barricades while they paint it. Anyways, I tried to turn a corner and didn't quite make it and totally ran into one of the barricades this morning. Luckily it's a very light metal (apparently) and I just kind of shoved it aside. With my boat-car. That was actually the thing that made me laugh the most this morning- there were people around, what can you do but laugh? So that's really three things. Not two. Don't judge me.

Last night I had a dream. Some background first- I have a cabinet full of things that I can't catalog because I don't have a way to watch/listen to them- things like audiotapes, betacam tapes- obsolete AV formats. So if I have something that's not labeled, I just add it to the pile. The pile is big. It's waiting for someone who works in the basement who can play them to have time to do so- this is a problem because he is busy. Super busy. And some of these things have to be baked before they can be played- I don't even understand really.

Anyways, last night i had a dream that he actually came to take my shelves full of items to actually listen to them. I was really *really* excited. What do you think is the meaning of this dream?

I think it means I need to find more exciting things to occupy my time/thoughts.

ALSO

We need to talk about something else today. Namely, this movie:

I got tired of waiting for *someone* to decide when she wanted to watch it, so I finally gave up and went on my own this weekend. And hoooo boy. I loved it! Sooo much!

I'm not a Woody Allen fan typically. I find him personally very annoying and since most of his protagonists are just different permutations of, well, himself, I tend not to like his films.

That was certainly true here (that Owen Wilson's character just seemed like a taller, beefier version of Allen), but here it was charming instead of obnoxious. It's obvious that his life just is not working out, and the Universe's solution- to cast him back to 1920s Paris each night (while his fiance spends time with the delightfully unbearable Michael Sheen) is the perfect antidote.

So really all of this just gives an opportunity to meet charicatures of many of the famous residents of Paris during that era- Hemingway, Dali, Bunuel, Stein, Picasso, etc...And it's just. So. Funny.

Also, it made me happy. That's all!

I waited too long to buy midnight HP7.2 tickets and I am seriously bummed out. I wanted to go!! Boohoo :(

I just sat in on my first meeting ever where someone's been fired. Er...sort of fired. Her "job has been eliminated" and the reasoning makes sense and there are other positions that are being made available to her if she wants them. But it's still kind of shocking.

Also it means there's absolutely not a future for me here (at least no in the near future). And that's fine, because it's what I was thinking anyways. It's good to know it for sure though- it makes my soon-to-start job hunt a little easier. I had been hoping that the rumblings I had been hearing meant they would be adding people, but the new initiatives etc... are the reasons this job was deleted- to make room for a diff. FTE to perform different work without adding people. Who they'll be hiring within probably a month or two. And I would apply but I definitely don't have the supervisory or project management experience for the new job.

This frees me up to go to the UK!!!! Woot.

Aaaanyways...

Do you ever do that thing where you run into people you know but haven't seen for a while and say to each other as the conversation winds down "hey we should get together sometime! Call me when you're in town again!" and then realize that you don't have their number and they don't have your number but say nothing about it?

It's happened twice already this week. It's not that I'm rude or anti-social. I guess I just always assume that I'm way more excited to see people than they are to see me so I just leave it up to them to do the realizing and ask for my number if they really want it. I think the other part is that I know it's not really ever going to happen anyways- this happens a lot with friends who are married- I mean when are we going to find time to hang out? I'm not going to hang out with the husband (inappropriate- even if we were friends before), and the wife has kids to take care of, and it's just weird hanging out with most couples (when I'm a single) so...who are we kidding? (If you think I'm talking about you, don't worry, I'm totally not- if you're reading this and you're married with kids and I still hang out with you, it means we are "best friends of ever" (to quote Leslie Knope)).


(Bears love friends)


What do you think? Am I a bad person who should be more pro-active in friend-making and -keeping? Or am I just being realistic? Or am I just the only person who does this?

This has been such interesting listening- I need to find the original piece that prompted this discussion, but it's a discussion between a book critic who feels that YA lit has become rather dark and, in some cases, unacceptably so for its intended audience and a YA author who strongly disagrees. The book critic originally wrote something somewhere (that's what I need to find) that prompted a sharp reaction from parents/librarians/etc...

After listening to this, I actually agree more with the book critic than the author (who really came across as not the best advocate for the case she was trying to make).

The critic cited studies that have found strong correlations between teens' exposure to high-risk behaviors via books with their actually adopting those behaviors. The author took umbrage with that and harped on the fact that "correllation is not causation". While this is true, correllation is indicative of a relationship- it might be that the books influence the behaviors or it might be that kids who practice the behaviors are attracted to a certain kind of book.

It seems that a lot of the outcry in reaction to the original piece was because readers (I guess) thought the critic was advocating censorship- I don't think that's true, and I don't think that's the solution in any case. What I DO think she's advocating is that more care be taken in selecting books for YA readers. Some readers may be able to handle certain issues or types of books better than others- the biggest issue here is one that I think most YA librarians already practice- trying to match the right book with the right person.

I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense- just listen to the discussion- it makes more sense than I can.

Nothing says Independence Day like eating take-out alone on your couch while watching fireworks on TV.

My life is awesome.