Coffee...erm I mean...Hot Chocolate Talk

Have you ever become friends with someone out of the goodness of your heart and had it turn against you? Discuss.

(I feel like this has happened a disproportionate number of times in the last year and it ticks me off)

So...

When I was in D.C. last summer, I was as bad as keeping up with my blog as I always am, partly because I was *way* too busy being a self-important city-dweller.

So instead of blogging, I kept memos on my phone of things to blog about when I had the time. I just remembered this as I went through and deleted old memos that have built up and found this:

"Title: Fff [side note, you have to give it a title or it won't save.]
Rude fitting room attendant
Cry me a river [this is presumably about some time I heard someone blasting this song and it reminded me of one of my first college roomates who, after breaking up with her boyfriend from home, locked herself in our room for three days and listened to this song constantly.]
Man steals gfs socks
Communist chic bag says "let us build, not destroy" [apparently I saw this and thought it was ironic, considering the end result of most Communist governments]
Tortilla cafe in Eastern Market [an area of D.C. maybe I wanted to go there]"

So there you go, a glimpse into my life last summer.

you guys, today was a supremely frustrating day. BOO.

First, for the last few days, my power has been wonky. I notice it the night before last when the furnace, the stove, and the fridge were not working. Someone came to fix it yesterday and when he left everything was working. Two hours later, I'm pretty sure the furnace stopped again (because last night was the coldest i've been since i got here), and by the time I woke up, everything that was not working the day before was working, but everything else was down. This includes most of the lights and ALL BUT ONE of the outlets. I had to get ready in the dark and walk to work with wet hair. When I got home today, NOTHING was working. The same man came back and realized the problem was in the meter box behind the house- a problem for a power-company employee. One came (very quickly, actually, I was kind of impressed) and confirmed that one of the two main breakers into the house was broken. He then proceeded to tell me that he could not fix it, we would have to call an electrician to fix it, THEN the power company again to come reconnect the power after the electrician worked on it. So who knows when that's going to happen. He rigged it so right now everything but the stove/oven is working which is good enough but I'm still stressed about it. All my food that's been chilled and defrosted multiple times!

Second, I came home in a hurry today because I knew the maintenance man would be coming by at 4:30. I undressed in a hurry, but in the process of taking off my awesomely beautiful new J. Crew boots, the zipper snagged on my tights. My $20 spanx tights that I just bought. Try as I might I could not dislodge it, or even move the zipper at all in either direction. The only solution was to tear the tights off the zipper. My expensive tights. They now have a huge hole in the right shin area. Bummed. Out.

Third, my computer is broken. Mostly it's fine, but the hole where the plug goes- the little jack in there is loose. The computer will only charge if I hold the cord in very weird positions. This is especially a problem as it takes a lot of my time to stand there holding the cord so it will charge, and this is even harder to do WITH NO POWER. I've had to send frantic "I can't turn in this assignment on time" or "I'll be missing class bc my comp is dead" emails to my professors. Not the best impression. I AM A MESS.

Fix my life please.

Is it normal for adult siblings to still hurt each other (emotionally, not physically...though I'm not sure the poking and play-wrestling will ever stop)? I feel like I should be past that stage- the stage of giving or receiving hurt, but every once in a while something happens that makes me question entire relationships. It just doesn't seem reasonable to me that two adults should be able to be so petty, defensive, judgmental, or quick to anger. I am as guilty of all of these things as either of my brothers, and I wish that weren't true. Of any of us. Of course, those aren't the only causes, there's also the fact that, even coming from the same background, we can all see the world so fundamentally differently. If the pain given or taken arose from a difference in principles or values, that would be more understandable. But when it is the result of assumptions, accusations, and a basic failure to listen, it seems so much worse.

I guess the basic question here is really this- why does life hurt so much sometimes?

But really, tell me- doyou still have situations like this with your siblings? Or am I abnormal? Maybe I just take things too seriously.

How to prepare for a job interview

How do you prepare for a telephone interview? I don't know about you, but I:

1. Washed my hair. Because they can see what it looks like.

2. Took a useless trip out to "run errands" but in reality only ended up dropping one letter at the post office. It felt more productive to get out of the house than just to sit around biting my nails all morning, ok?

3. Did some stress baking. I made a batch of pizzelles (waffle-like italian cookies). Like the picture, but mine were flavored with orange oil and zest. I'm planning on making some chocolate-almond ones tomorrow before my other interview.



4. Put on makeup. Because they can see what it looks like.

5. Brushed my teeth. THREE TIMES. Because they can smell my breath.

6. Got a comfortable chair that allowed me to sit upright, rather than my regular lounge chair or exercise ball. It felt more professional.

7. Placed said chair in front of my french doors that look out on the forest and opened the blinds. I figured that would be more peaceful to look at than my messy bedroom.

8. Printed off the job announcement and wrote some questions to ask.

9. Also wrote my strengths and weaknesses. Not because I'm obsessed with myself, but because I've been asked in every interview I've had in the last few years to talk about them. I'm always stumped by that one, so I figured I would go into this one prepared. (Guess what they didn't ask me about this time?)

10. Sat in my chair, looking out my windows, phone and papers in lap and pen in hand...waiting.

Trying to find a job is STRESSING ME OUT.

I haven't left the house in three days because of the snow.

Glee hasn't been on tv for A WHOLE MONTH.

I thought classes started tomorrow, and if it weren't for my department's student affairs coordinator, I would have no idea that they actually start today. THAT was almost a disaster. Once, at BYU, I actually did miss the first day of a class because I couldn't find the HRCB on the map (stupid, right?). I was mad.

Did I ever write about Black Swan? Because all of the above things are not good, but they're not exactly ruining my life. Do you know what did ruin my life? BLACK SWAN. If you are even thinking about watching it, DO NOT. Don't get more curious because I said that and go see it anyways. I am telling you, if you want your life to continue happy and carefree as it has hopefully been to this point, by all that is holy, DO NOT watch that movie. I thought to myself "Ooh, psychological thriller...ballet...what could possibly go wrong? This sounds basically amazing." Little did I know what awaited me was basically a few explicitly, agressively, and violently sexual encounters woven together by things like...oh, Winona Ryder stabbing herself repeatedly in the face with a metal nail file...and...a daughter beating up her mother and breaking her hand by slamming her fingers in a door- over and over and over again...and....lots of terrible bloody self-mutilation. Toned down, this could have been a great movie about one girl's descent into madness (although she really started the movie in madness so maybe descent isn't the correct word...). As it is, it's a two-hour shock-fest, where the shocks are indeed shocking, but have tenuous relevance to the story itself. Blurg.

A couple of months ago, in going through theshelves of the Hunter Museum's library, I found a copy of selections from "Alice in Wonderland" with original illustrations by Salvador Dali. I knew it was something special and valuable because of the way it was packaged- or not packaged because the original box was missing, but basically a series of folios in book cloth folders. I was curious about it so I asked Frances (the 80-some-odd year old librarian) about it and she said "oh yeah, that's not even all of it- during the construction part of it got moldy in storage, so I just got rid of the box and some of the sections". That shocked me because limited edition books of that type are worth a pretty penny new, and this is at least 40 years old. Anyways, I was just sitting here watching Antiques Roadshow and got curious, did some searching, and found out that a complete version of that same book is worth at least $8000. And part of ours was tossed. Because of mold. GAH FRANCES!!! The best I can do is strongly urge them to get a new box for it. Oh it just makes me sick to my stomach. It did at the time and it still does now.

Mold can be treated. Blurg.

I'm getting really tired of finding new job announcements, getting excited about them, and then never hearing anything. Ever. I just really want to get a job at the Yellowstone archives, ok?! Why don't they realize that.

All of this is making me really, really anxious. That and other anxiety-producing aspects of my life are NOT GOOD FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE. Or my cortisol levels :)

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, etc...

This is my year of blog supremacy.

Sadness and movies

1. The Provo Tabernacle burned down this morning. I can't stop thinking about it! It was such a beautiful building, and (I believe) the first permanent structure in Provo (maybe even the whole valley), so obviously very historic. Just to think that so many people sacrificed to help build it, and it stood for so long, only to be destroyed by fire this morning- it just hurts my heart. I've been to so many concerts and church functions there- it really has been, as one article called it, Provo's cutural heart. I hope that somehow it can be salvaged.

2. The Tourist- bland, but kind of entertaining. I knew the twist before it even started, but it was still fun to see Angelina's fabulous wardrobe on the way there. What I REALLY don't understand about this movie is that it was nominated for a Golden Globe for best comedy. What the WHAT? While there are a few funny moments, I wouldn't really classify this as a comedy. Three out of five...I should come up with a ratings system...birdies. I like birds. 3/5 birds.

3. Tron: Legacy- CGI Jeff Bridges is inordinately creepy. This is a fabulously shiny movie that's exciting and very fun to watch but doesn't have much to say for itself. I guess if I had to pick out a main message, it would be "God=good, totalitarian dictator=bad". Anyways, it's super enjoyable.

4. Right now I may or may not be watching E! and they keep playing commercials for their horrible show "Married to Rock". These commercials feature the lead singer for Jane's Addictionand his wife freakingout over a supposed stalker who left a vase of red roses on their doorstep. I'm sorry, I don't really believe that these barely famous people have stalkers. Also, I do not feel sorry for them. Gah. Maybe I should turn the TV off? Nah...

ALSO-

To all you haters (who aren't really haters, I just needed an excuse to say that)- I haven't had any caffeinated soda since October 20. BWAHA! I did take a soda break on our fake Thanksgiving a week or two ago- we had slush! And sparkling cider! So I HAVE had some soda, but no caffeine. And no headaches!

Woo!

Guess what? In June 2009 I had 14 posts in one month. What was I thinking? Why am I such a slacker now? Discuss.

Parting is such...a horribly unsatisfying moment

You know what I really suck at? Ok, don't go off listing all my faults (though that might be interesting to hear sometime). I really suck at the professional goodbye. You know, when you're leaving a job and you go to say goodbye for the last time to your superior with whom you are friendly, but do not have a loosey-goosey super-casual relationship that would allow you to give them a hug and weep on their shoulder (not that I've ever done that)? Yeah, I suck at that. All I'll allow myself is a handshake, a smile, a few half-mumbled words about how grateful I am for everything, and then...just walk away. But that hardly seems like enough. Ever. So instead of walking away feeling happy that I'm done and grateful that I had the opportunity, I walking away having an anxiety attack thinking about what I should have said that would have felt more complete to me. I eventually have to force myself to do something meaningless to distract my mind, and that usually ends up with me (picture it if you will), walking down the street, focusing very hard on counting every step until I get to the car and can drown myself in mindless public radio.

Oh my life.

But really, thinking about this, I've realized that I just suck at saying goodbye to people period. Nothing I can do in those few minutes seems able to express everything I want to say, even if what I want to say is just "it's been great, k bye!", or "hey you were a bizarre roomate, thanks for messing up my laundry!" Don't worry, if you're reading this and we were roomates, that is not directed at you.

Unfortunately, I've had occasion to say quite a few (probably permanent) goodbyes in the last year or so, what with ending internships and practicums and volunteer work, etc...Maybe I just need to get a more stable, permanent job, and then I can just avoid goodbyes altogether. Awesome plan, me.

P.s. As I was adding tags to this post, I had to create a whole new one for "awkward". It wasn't already in my list of tags- can you believe it, with all the awkward things that happen to me? Well, I should probably say all the awkward things that I do, but anyways...

Steven is on his way home for mid-tour leave. He's leaving "theater today" which means he is leaving his tiny tiny base in the middle of nowhere to go to a slightly larger base to catch a ride to Kandahar where he will grab a flight to Kuwait, then Germany, then Des Moines to pick up his kids, then here. So he was supposed to hit the states around 11/4 so that should give you an idea of how long that whole trip will take. I'm excited he's coming back- I've somehow always been pretty zen about family members going overseas- it doesn't worry me. Maybe I'm cold-hearted. I don't think so, I've always seen it as a blessing, maybe a sign that they'll be ok. I'm grateful for that.

On the soda front- Day seven, WHAT?! My head still hurts. I wonder if that will go away eventually or if I am bound to be dependent on caffeine for the rest of my liiife.

Day two of my soda fast. HA! (Take that Emmy). Unfortunately, this is pretty much how I felt all day long:

Yes I'm addicted to caffeine, and yes it's ridiculous. But now, my life is going to be so. Much. Better.

Also, while I was looking for that grotesque picture above, I found this, which just makes my head hurt even more:

Day one soda free. This is real folks. And it's serious. And it's totally going to happen.

Facebook is...(duh duh duh) down? I was just trying to get on and kept getting the message that it's unavailable and maybe I entered the wrong address. I don't know if you've seen the recent 100% accurate movie ABOUT Facebook, "The Social Network" (I did, and it was fabulous...more on that later), but Facebook DOESN'T GO DOWN. I guess I have no other choice but to go to sleep now.

OMG CUTEEEEEE!!!!!!


Yes, I realize I'm to old to say things like that.

Don't laugh at me.

I don't watch scary movies very often. Until I watched "Devil" the other night, I think the last real horror movie I saw was "The Grudge". This is because, after an epidemic of boldness and stupidity my first year or two of college, I realized that after I watch horror movies, I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. I don't know what it is, haunted houses and things that are real like, oh say, people with guns, don't bother me too much, but show me a freaky movie and I will crawl up under five blankets on my bed (which I have probably moved to the center of the room by this point) with all the lights on, the tv on, and probably a book to read (the more distractions, the better). Don't tell me they're not real. I KNOW they're not real. I'm not an idiot. But maybe it's a symptom of my all too willing suspension of disbelief (which makes me generally a rather easy to please movie-goer), that once I watch something horrifying, I'm reminded of it in the most ridiculous places. So because of this...ahem...problem that I have, I have been studiously avoiding watching television commercials for the upcoming movie "Case 39"- some hooey about a foster child and the curse that plagues her- anyone who helps her DIES. Oh dear. Silly though it be, I can tell that it's scary and I don't want none of it. ANYWAYS, the point of this unnecessarily long explanation is that, with the tv on, but muted, in the background while trying to register for classes just now, I happened to look up right at a moment of scary-face-showing during that commercial. I deeply regret it. Guess how I'll be sleeping tonight?

If you ever wonder why I'm so obsessed with Law & Order (I can't help it!!), the New York Times captured it PERFECTLY (it's like they're living inside my brain) in their recent review of the new Law & Order: LA:

"'Law & Order' episodes hold attention, year after year and rerun after rerun, because the story arcs are both suspenseful and predictable; the plots are luridly fascinating, but their resolution is comfortingly familiar."

I don't have anything to add. It's like neon comfort food. Mmmmmmmm.