I just had a moment of real panic RE: not knowing what the future holds. Being in a temporary job which may or may not become permanent and interviewing (successfully? or not?) for other jobs and really just having no insight into where I'll be living in 3-4 months is exhausting.

I know I've talked about this before, and I know it's not a unique situation. Honestly, I'm grateful to be employed at all, for however short a time. I love my workplace, and I'm excited about the outside jobs that I'm applying for. That's a good thing, right? No matter where I end up, there will be perks and there will be sacrifices. If I leave Utah, I'm giving up a community that I absolutely adore, and a cause that I'm excited about, but I'll be (hopefully) gaining a permanent situation and new challenges (you know I love a challenge), and a new place to discover.

I know I'm being incredibly self-indulgent, but can you sympathize?



(photo- my house courtesy of Google Maps' wonderful 8-bit April Fools version)

I think I posted about this earlier, but I was going to take an internship this summer at a national lab in WV. It wasn't the ideal internship I had been hoping for, but it was really good nonetheless. Then, after I had already accepted and turned in all my paperwork (because the due date was approaching and at the time it was the only offer I had received), I got a phone interview and several hours later an offer for another internship in DC. It also wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for, but was a good opportunity. So I had two great internships that I was kind of indifferent about, and I spent two and a half days in frantic prayers and fasting trying to decide which was right (because apparently I was taking this decision very seriously...I'm not sure why I was so worked up about it at the time). True to past form, I didn't really receive an answer and was about to reply to DC and accept (I received the offer on Wednesday and had to accept by close of business on Friday). So I composed an email in my phone accepting the DC internship around 2 pm on Friday and was about to send it, but I still didn't feel completely convinced, so I decided to wait until the last possible minute, just in case I received a 24 style high drama answer. Because 24 is exactly like the gospel. I distinctly remember composing the email sitting in my car, and I had my thumb on the "send" button and was just about to send it but I just felt something saying "hey just wait a little while longer". Then, at 4:30, just as I was walking into Hobby Lobby, I got a call. It was from the director of the National Transportation Library offering me an internship in the archives there. This was exactly the internship that I had been hoping for and had despaired of getting. She didn't even take time to talk to me and conduct any sort of interview before offering me the position (desperate for cheap labor? I don't even care) , and she sounded incredibly excited that I was available and interested. Have you ever had an interview that went really well, and you wer excited, and you could tell that they were excited, and you just felt that click? I hope so, because it's a great feeling, but that's the way this was. I am so excited that I got the internship that I wanted, which will give me some desperately needed archival experience, and it's in DC, and housing is free (to me anyways...your tax dollars at work :) ), and it's paid, and I have something to do this summer that doesn't involve manual labor. Talk about high drama answers. I was in the "well maybe he's telling me that I need to make my own decision because they're both good or maybe I'll receive confirmation afterwards" mode. Which is not a bad mode, but I love the "hey maybe I haven't answered you because there's an even BETTER option just around the corner- just be patient" mode SOOOO much more.

Of course now it's coming up soon so my terror is increasing daily because I just GET REALLY NERVOUS, OK?!??

Anyways, it was exciting. The gospel is true.

Today I was switching purses because, you know, it's a new season, and I felt like a change. Even if I'm just switching back to the giant grey thing I carried all last winter. Anyways, I was transferring the "essentials", and I realized something ridiculous. My purse "essentials" include SIX DIFFERENT TYPES OF LIP GLOSS. Excessive much? I think so. But really not- you see, sometimes you want color (that's what the Clinique and Lancome are for), sometimes you just want shine (B&BW, and Estee Lauder), sometimes you want sparkle, which is different than shine (MAC), and sometimes you want the minty freshness of B&BW mentha lip gloss. I can't kick any of them out. I must be prepared for any and all potential lip situations.

I don't have anything exciting to blog about right now.

Just a warning.

Last night I saw "Alice in Wonderland". I'm not really a fan of Tim Burton (or Helena Bonham Carter these days, except when she's ridiculous Bellatrix...or to be honest Johnny Depp, I'm not sure his career is going where he thinks it is right now) so I was not awaiting this premiere with baited breath, but you know how I love movies in general, and especially movies at midnight. They're just better.

That being said, I was really impressed. I was not creeped out as I thought I would be, it was hilarious, the costumes were insane (in the best way possible), the beasts were cuddly, the mouse carried around an eyeball for most of the movie, Mia Wasikowska has the cutest accent imaginable, Johnny Depp was...orange, Helena Bonham Carter had pigs and monkeys in place of table or chair legs, and...I want to watch it again already. Always a good sign.

So in summary, I'm mad they only had 3D and it cost me $13, but it was mostly worth that much.

All I write about these days are movies, I'm sorry. My life just isn't all that exciting. I dog-sit. I do homework. I have class on the internet (gag me). I sew. I have weekly Glee night. I gossip. I read. I volunteer. Have I written about that yet?

I started volunteering a while ago at two museums in the area. One, the National Medal of Honor Museum, has a separate archive where I spend a few hours each week. It's a tiny museum located in the local mall for the time being because the old location was a moldy flooded nightmare. The other, the Hunter Museum of American Art, is a larger, more financially sound institution where I work in the library each week. The main volunteer is Frances. She's been there for 30 years, is in her 80's, can't hear anything I say, and is rather charming. They still use a card catalog (which they are outgrowing...I keep wanting to tell them just to scrap it all and try something a bit more modern, but the curators prefer this...I have no idea why), and I do a bit of cataloging, book repair, filing, whatever. It's small but it's something to do.

I had a job interview the other day at a local college as a records clerk/counselor/something. It's one of the few I've had since I've been here, and actually went really really well. I dread job interviews. They usually go horribly, I can never think of good answers, and I always leave feeling completely stupid. This however, left me feeling brilliant. There were six people there to interview me (overkill? I think so...), which was ridiculously intimidating, but I managed to control my nervous shaking and present a calm exterior and give great answers to all the questions. I even made them laugh. It was wonderful. The thing is, I haven't heard back yet. It's been almost two weeks now. They warned that it would take a while, but I can't help but be nervous. They had 200 applicants, about 50 of whom had Master's degrees already. I suspect the only reason I got an interview was because I (apparently) know one of the administrators (I didn't even realize this until after I submitted the application, and to be honest, I didn't even remember applying or what in the world the job was when they called to set up the interview) but anyways, still waiting to hear back on that. It would really be ideal. I think that it would be similar in a lot of ways to working at IS. Only, obviously, it would pay much more.

BUT. Right now, I'm really unsure whether I even want this job or not. I have no idea what I would say if they called me tomorrow (which they won't because it's a Saturday) and offered me the job. Why? Because I've already been offered a paid internship this summer at the National Energy Technology Laboratory (heavens, what a mouthful) library. It's not really in the area I want to go into, but it's in an area of librarianship that is higher paying, and probably easier to get into. And, all that aside, it's experience (which I don't have, but need) and it pays real money (which I don't have, but need). If I took a full-time job right now, there is no way I could take ten weeks off this summer to live in West Virginia. Also, I've recently been to a national lab. And who mostly works in labs? Men. Attractive ones. So. Full-time job, temporary security, or no full-time job, start substitute teaching next week, and make myself more valuable to future employers. Which is more important. I have no idea. Please tell me.

So this post basically started off stupid, became inane, and just got really long.

Guess what? Spring break is next week. I HAVE A SPRING BREAK. Take that, world.

"Shutter Island"

quote of the day:

"If I sank my teeth into your eyeball, would you be able to stop me before I blinded you?"

Martin Scorsese, may I please send you a puppy or some sunflowers or something? Because your mind is clearly getting much too dark. And it scares me.

Also, your soundtrack is a little heavy handed. The final scene would have been much more effective if it was silent.

I made this new background with this program that I lurrrrve (http://mugtug.com/sketchpad/) but it only allows you to create images in one size, so I had to enlarge it so that it would fit in my background, but the resolution is quite low, so now it's all blurry and I don't know what to doooo.

Waa.

Tennessee it is!

So I just filled out my acceptance form for UT-K. And I'm getting excited. I have a feeling the program is going to be different than my ideas and expectations, but I'm open to change. Also, I originally wanted to do a more library-focused program, but the more I think about it, the more a digital library/database focused program seems completely practical. More opportunities in the real world, and I may have the opportunity to intern at Oak Ridge national lab (think Manhattan project and enriching Uranium). I'm not sure though; I may end up doing something that combines the two and gives me maximum choices. But I'm really getting excited. Mostly to be done and on the other side, but also to be in school again. Not that it's been that long since I got out...but yeah. And the campus is beautiful! In downtown Knoxville on the banks of the Tennessee river, lots of deep red brick classical gothic style buildings, a nice effort of matching new construction to the old (not like BYU...however much I love it, none of the buildings really...well, go). and I'll be attending a school that has 1) an awesome football team (which will be a big change...sorry cougars, you haven't really cut it since the mid-80s.), and 2) a spring break! Me...on spring-break? Crazy, right?

My biggest concern right now is whether they will classify me as a resident for tuition purposes. Because right now they haven't. Which could be expensive. I'm sending in my appeal tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.