Trying to find a job is STRESSING ME OUT.

I haven't left the house in three days because of the snow.

Glee hasn't been on tv for A WHOLE MONTH.

I thought classes started tomorrow, and if it weren't for my department's student affairs coordinator, I would have no idea that they actually start today. THAT was almost a disaster. Once, at BYU, I actually did miss the first day of a class because I couldn't find the HRCB on the map (stupid, right?). I was mad.

Did I ever write about Black Swan? Because all of the above things are not good, but they're not exactly ruining my life. Do you know what did ruin my life? BLACK SWAN. If you are even thinking about watching it, DO NOT. Don't get more curious because I said that and go see it anyways. I am telling you, if you want your life to continue happy and carefree as it has hopefully been to this point, by all that is holy, DO NOT watch that movie. I thought to myself "Ooh, psychological thriller...ballet...what could possibly go wrong? This sounds basically amazing." Little did I know what awaited me was basically a few explicitly, agressively, and violently sexual encounters woven together by things like...oh, Winona Ryder stabbing herself repeatedly in the face with a metal nail file...and...a daughter beating up her mother and breaking her hand by slamming her fingers in a door- over and over and over again...and....lots of terrible bloody self-mutilation. Toned down, this could have been a great movie about one girl's descent into madness (although she really started the movie in madness so maybe descent isn't the correct word...). As it is, it's a two-hour shock-fest, where the shocks are indeed shocking, but have tenuous relevance to the story itself. Blurg.

A couple of months ago, in going through theshelves of the Hunter Museum's library, I found a copy of selections from "Alice in Wonderland" with original illustrations by Salvador Dali. I knew it was something special and valuable because of the way it was packaged- or not packaged because the original box was missing, but basically a series of folios in book cloth folders. I was curious about it so I asked Frances (the 80-some-odd year old librarian) about it and she said "oh yeah, that's not even all of it- during the construction part of it got moldy in storage, so I just got rid of the box and some of the sections". That shocked me because limited edition books of that type are worth a pretty penny new, and this is at least 40 years old. Anyways, I was just sitting here watching Antiques Roadshow and got curious, did some searching, and found out that a complete version of that same book is worth at least $8000. And part of ours was tossed. Because of mold. GAH FRANCES!!! The best I can do is strongly urge them to get a new box for it. Oh it just makes me sick to my stomach. It did at the time and it still does now.

Mold can be treated. Blurg.

I'm getting really tired of finding new job announcements, getting excited about them, and then never hearing anything. Ever. I just really want to get a job at the Yellowstone archives, ok?! Why don't they realize that.

All of this is making me really, really anxious. That and other anxiety-producing aspects of my life are NOT GOOD FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE. Or my cortisol levels :)

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, etc...

This is my year of blog supremacy.

Sadness and movies

1. The Provo Tabernacle burned down this morning. I can't stop thinking about it! It was such a beautiful building, and (I believe) the first permanent structure in Provo (maybe even the whole valley), so obviously very historic. Just to think that so many people sacrificed to help build it, and it stood for so long, only to be destroyed by fire this morning- it just hurts my heart. I've been to so many concerts and church functions there- it really has been, as one article called it, Provo's cutural heart. I hope that somehow it can be salvaged.

2. The Tourist- bland, but kind of entertaining. I knew the twist before it even started, but it was still fun to see Angelina's fabulous wardrobe on the way there. What I REALLY don't understand about this movie is that it was nominated for a Golden Globe for best comedy. What the WHAT? While there are a few funny moments, I wouldn't really classify this as a comedy. Three out of five...I should come up with a ratings system...birdies. I like birds. 3/5 birds.

3. Tron: Legacy- CGI Jeff Bridges is inordinately creepy. This is a fabulously shiny movie that's exciting and very fun to watch but doesn't have much to say for itself. I guess if I had to pick out a main message, it would be "God=good, totalitarian dictator=bad". Anyways, it's super enjoyable.

4. Right now I may or may not be watching E! and they keep playing commercials for their horrible show "Married to Rock". These commercials feature the lead singer for Jane's Addictionand his wife freakingout over a supposed stalker who left a vase of red roses on their doorstep. I'm sorry, I don't really believe that these barely famous people have stalkers. Also, I do not feel sorry for them. Gah. Maybe I should turn the TV off? Nah...

ALSO-

To all you haters (who aren't really haters, I just needed an excuse to say that)- I haven't had any caffeinated soda since October 20. BWAHA! I did take a soda break on our fake Thanksgiving a week or two ago- we had slush! And sparkling cider! So I HAVE had some soda, but no caffeine. And no headaches!

Woo!

Guess what? In June 2009 I had 14 posts in one month. What was I thinking? Why am I such a slacker now? Discuss.

Parting is such...a horribly unsatisfying moment

You know what I really suck at? Ok, don't go off listing all my faults (though that might be interesting to hear sometime). I really suck at the professional goodbye. You know, when you're leaving a job and you go to say goodbye for the last time to your superior with whom you are friendly, but do not have a loosey-goosey super-casual relationship that would allow you to give them a hug and weep on their shoulder (not that I've ever done that)? Yeah, I suck at that. All I'll allow myself is a handshake, a smile, a few half-mumbled words about how grateful I am for everything, and then...just walk away. But that hardly seems like enough. Ever. So instead of walking away feeling happy that I'm done and grateful that I had the opportunity, I walking away having an anxiety attack thinking about what I should have said that would have felt more complete to me. I eventually have to force myself to do something meaningless to distract my mind, and that usually ends up with me (picture it if you will), walking down the street, focusing very hard on counting every step until I get to the car and can drown myself in mindless public radio.

Oh my life.

But really, thinking about this, I've realized that I just suck at saying goodbye to people period. Nothing I can do in those few minutes seems able to express everything I want to say, even if what I want to say is just "it's been great, k bye!", or "hey you were a bizarre roomate, thanks for messing up my laundry!" Don't worry, if you're reading this and we were roomates, that is not directed at you.

Unfortunately, I've had occasion to say quite a few (probably permanent) goodbyes in the last year or so, what with ending internships and practicums and volunteer work, etc...Maybe I just need to get a more stable, permanent job, and then I can just avoid goodbyes altogether. Awesome plan, me.

P.s. As I was adding tags to this post, I had to create a whole new one for "awkward". It wasn't already in my list of tags- can you believe it, with all the awkward things that happen to me? Well, I should probably say all the awkward things that I do, but anyways...